To clarify, I am simultaneously referencing at least two (and possibly three) different things with this title: The Unbearable Lightness of Being and Being John Malkovich (also, possibly the Cliffs of Insanity from The Princess Bride).
Now, I'm virtually certain that anyone who happens to stumble upon this blog and has any knowledge of professional basketball and/or pop culture has at least a passing familiarity with the juggernaut of psychosis known as Ron Artest. This is a man who requested a leave of absence (from a professional sports team!) in order to promote his own record label, which, incidentally, bears the truly awful moniker "Tru Warrier." Misspellings do not guarantee coolness, kids. This is also a man who maintains that a kid he knew in Queens is the best baller on the planet, and that "Five Dollar Footlong" and "Free Credit Report Dot Com" are potential hit singles.
But, what's most important at the moment from my perspective is the fact that Ron Artest is about to embark on a new project: a reality show that "will document the ups and downs of Artest's life, allowing him to 'make amends for past transgressions,' according to E1 Entertainment." I'm not sure where this phenomenon originated, but it seems to me that we, as a culture, have never been more interested in famous people apologizing for their actions. Off the top of my head, these are the most pertinent examples: a.) An actor on Grey's Anatomy (I don't know who, because I've never seen the show) checks himself into rehab for making a homophobic remark (I don't think addiction works that way); b.) Tiger Woods evidently gives Nike the go-ahead to produce a commercial in which he is apparently berated by his deceased father for cheating on his wife; c.) Kanye West apologizes for interrupting a schlocky country singer's award acceptance speech (sure, it was rude, but was Taylor Swift about to say anything life-changing?); d.) perhaps most disturbingly, the E! channel actually has a list of the top celebrity apologies.
Artest, it's true, has one major black mark to make amends for, the infamous Palace Brawl. But his (supposed) attempt to do so smacks of insincerity, just like virtually every other instance in recent memory. For whatever reason, a public, heavily-publicized apology remains a popular occurrence, despite the fact that no one ever seems to be satisfied with them. It seems that everyone can recognize the vapidity of such events, but no one seems to let that deter them from seeking more. I can think of a couple of factors that might go into this, but I am still curious as to the real root of the matter. These are the reasons I can think of:
1.) Celebrity apologies feed our militant democratic inclinations. According to a probably legendary story, one Greek tyrant asked another for advice on how to govern. The other man brought him to a field and knocked the heads off of any grain stalks that were much taller than average. I think we have a similar attitude in America: we resent superiority, whether meritorious or otherwise. Thus, seeing a figure of high standing dragged through the mud a little provides us with some cheap schadenfreude.
2.) We are a society obsessed with hypocrisy, anxious to find it in others and deny it in ourselves. Have you ever noticed how many music groups get accused of "selling out"? Or how eager people from all places in society are to denounce a corrupt religious figure or politician? In many ways, I think this is the other side of the "success in life means being yourself" coin. We attach a religious significance to being genuine and following individualistic urges, and we therefore hate artificiality in all forms. Watching people offer insincere apologies offers us the chance to feel morally superior, even when we're not.
3.) It appeals to us in the same way that an accident does. It's horribly uncomfortable, but it's not happening to us, and that makes it valid entertainment. It's a semi-painful form of voyeuristic pleasure, but the knowledge that we're not in any way related to the person expressing contrition, except by the wires and glass of our televisions, makes the pain more bearable and the whole scenario a bit more unreal.
All this being said, I'm probably going to watch at least one episode of Ron-Ron's show. It seems like the American thing to do.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
This Is Apparently A Real Thing
According to Wikipedia, in World War II, the Soviet Union trained dogs to run at tanks with explosives strapped to them. After it proved infeasible to have the dogs drop the charges and run away, they started blowing them up along with the bombs. I really didn't need another reason to believe the USSR was terrible, but it happened.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
El Ciclon de Guantanamo
I watched the recent fight between Yuriorkis Gamboa and Roger Mtagwa this morning, and I was struck by the thought that it might have been a forecast of the upcoming Pacquiao-Clottey match. Much like Pacquiao, Gamboa is possessed of extraordinary athleticism, blurring hand speed and shocking knockout power. There are differences- Gamboa is right-handed, and fights in a style simultaneously more careless and more traditional than Pacquiao- but the similarities are profound. Each man is a combination puncher, each an offensive fighter, and each has a particular bearing and ring presence that is unmistakable.
Mtagwa also bears some resemblance to Clottey, as both depend primarily on toughness and force of will over technical mastery or explosiveness. And, much like Mtagwa, I believe that Clottey will be dominated and, ultimately, knocked out by his opponent. Pacquiao has too much talent, too much physical superiority, and too much momentum. There is no one this side of Mayweather who could even slow down the Pacquiao train at this point.
But that's not what this post is about. This is about Yuriorkis Gamboa, one of the most exciting young fighters in the world. This is about the otherworldly magnificence of his attack, and the effortlessness of his power. This is about the elegance and anger of his fighting, the smoothness of his motion, and the absolute confidence that he displays.
Gamboa does not load up his punches. That is the first, most important point I can make about him. With smooth, fluid combinations- and seemingly without strain- Gamboa produces exceptional results. He never once seemed to reach back for anything extra against Mtagwa, depending instead on his superior speed to bypass Mtagwa's defense and dropped him several times before the referee finally called the thing.
Gamboa resembles no one so much as Roy Jones. That is the second point. He has a particular arrogance that may end up undoing him- it was less evident in this fight, but, in the past, he has refused to keep his hands up- but, until it does, it makes his offensive artistry all the more spectacular. I don't know if I'm being hyperbolic or not, but he has an almost regal bearing in the ring. He looked firmly in command throughout.
Gamboa has no physical deficiencies that I can see. That is the last point. He has some of the heaviest hands I've ever seen (they must be granite, given how little strain goes into the knockout punches), he is cat quick, and moves slickly and smoothly. He has all the tools to be not only a transcendent boxer-puncher, but to be an excellent defender as well. We'll have to see whether the defense will come, but against Mtagwa he had no need.
It was an impressive display, and I think Gamboa might be what the lower weight classes need to reinvigorate them with what appears to be a permanent exodus by Pacquiao. Bienvenidos a the big time, Yuri.
Mtagwa also bears some resemblance to Clottey, as both depend primarily on toughness and force of will over technical mastery or explosiveness. And, much like Mtagwa, I believe that Clottey will be dominated and, ultimately, knocked out by his opponent. Pacquiao has too much talent, too much physical superiority, and too much momentum. There is no one this side of Mayweather who could even slow down the Pacquiao train at this point.
But that's not what this post is about. This is about Yuriorkis Gamboa, one of the most exciting young fighters in the world. This is about the otherworldly magnificence of his attack, and the effortlessness of his power. This is about the elegance and anger of his fighting, the smoothness of his motion, and the absolute confidence that he displays.
Gamboa does not load up his punches. That is the first, most important point I can make about him. With smooth, fluid combinations- and seemingly without strain- Gamboa produces exceptional results. He never once seemed to reach back for anything extra against Mtagwa, depending instead on his superior speed to bypass Mtagwa's defense and dropped him several times before the referee finally called the thing.
Gamboa resembles no one so much as Roy Jones. That is the second point. He has a particular arrogance that may end up undoing him- it was less evident in this fight, but, in the past, he has refused to keep his hands up- but, until it does, it makes his offensive artistry all the more spectacular. I don't know if I'm being hyperbolic or not, but he has an almost regal bearing in the ring. He looked firmly in command throughout.
Gamboa has no physical deficiencies that I can see. That is the last point. He has some of the heaviest hands I've ever seen (they must be granite, given how little strain goes into the knockout punches), he is cat quick, and moves slickly and smoothly. He has all the tools to be not only a transcendent boxer-puncher, but to be an excellent defender as well. We'll have to see whether the defense will come, but against Mtagwa he had no need.
It was an impressive display, and I think Gamboa might be what the lower weight classes need to reinvigorate them with what appears to be a permanent exodus by Pacquiao. Bienvenidos a the big time, Yuri.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Portrait of a Division as a Young Man Part IV: AFC South
I've decided that I will not be doing an NFC equivalent of this, so this will wrap up the divisional series. Anyway, to business:
The AFC South is the most one-sided division in the AFC, if not the NFL as a whole. Last year's (apparently) fluky Tennessee team notwithstanding, the Colts almost always have a clear edge in the division race and have for years. The one constant for the Colts- and, by extension, the division- has been Peyton Manning. No big surprise, there. Other factors come and go for Indianapolis- the running game (with Edge), defense (good periodically, terrible often), Marvin Harrison, Tony Dungy- but Manning has been the steady hand, as consistently good on the field as he is consistently annoying in advertisements. The Colts' modus operandi is the shootout: they favor the no-huddle, heavy passing, and, defensively, rely on hit-or-miss tactics (namely, Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis rushing the passer, when each is severely undersized and terrible against the run). This leaves the South in essentially two camps: the Texans and Colts, on the one hand, follow roughly the same model (with vastly different results), while the Jaguars and Titans both depend on a more conservative approach, with defense and ball control taking the forefront.
My prediction:
1. Colts, 14-2
2. Houston, 9-7
3. Jacksonville, 8-8
4. Tennessee, 6-10
I expect the Colts to very seriously contend for the Super Bowl spot- they ought to at least reach the conference championship game, and I figure they have as good a shot at the league championship as anybody, if not better. They've struggled recently, but a good loss should get that out of their systems. If they drop one they should win, expect them to come out strong in the playoffs. I think Indy matches up well against the Bengals and Chargers, but might have a bit more trouble with the Patriots or Steelers. We'll see, I suppose.
Players
Division's signature: Reggie Wayne, WR, Indianapolis Colts. Wayne exemplifies the importance of the passing game to this division, and he is just about as consistent personally as the Colts are collectively. He has a steady, excellent game, and that's just what's expected of him.
No honorable mentions this time- my brain am not working too goodly.
Best overall: Jeff Saturday, C, Colts. As good a player at his position as anyone, Saturday is very tough and very, very smart. he's been doing this for a long time, folks, and few do it nearly so well.
Well, it should be no surprise that my next pick is...
MVP: Peyton Manning, QB, Colts. That's right, a Colts whitewash. Eh. They're the only team I think is worth having an MVP in this division. Still doesn't mean I like this guy.
The AFC South is the most one-sided division in the AFC, if not the NFL as a whole. Last year's (apparently) fluky Tennessee team notwithstanding, the Colts almost always have a clear edge in the division race and have for years. The one constant for the Colts- and, by extension, the division- has been Peyton Manning. No big surprise, there. Other factors come and go for Indianapolis- the running game (with Edge), defense (good periodically, terrible often), Marvin Harrison, Tony Dungy- but Manning has been the steady hand, as consistently good on the field as he is consistently annoying in advertisements. The Colts' modus operandi is the shootout: they favor the no-huddle, heavy passing, and, defensively, rely on hit-or-miss tactics (namely, Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis rushing the passer, when each is severely undersized and terrible against the run). This leaves the South in essentially two camps: the Texans and Colts, on the one hand, follow roughly the same model (with vastly different results), while the Jaguars and Titans both depend on a more conservative approach, with defense and ball control taking the forefront.
My prediction:
1. Colts, 14-2
2. Houston, 9-7
3. Jacksonville, 8-8
4. Tennessee, 6-10
I expect the Colts to very seriously contend for the Super Bowl spot- they ought to at least reach the conference championship game, and I figure they have as good a shot at the league championship as anybody, if not better. They've struggled recently, but a good loss should get that out of their systems. If they drop one they should win, expect them to come out strong in the playoffs. I think Indy matches up well against the Bengals and Chargers, but might have a bit more trouble with the Patriots or Steelers. We'll see, I suppose.
Players
Division's signature: Reggie Wayne, WR, Indianapolis Colts. Wayne exemplifies the importance of the passing game to this division, and he is just about as consistent personally as the Colts are collectively. He has a steady, excellent game, and that's just what's expected of him.
No honorable mentions this time- my brain am not working too goodly.
Best overall: Jeff Saturday, C, Colts. As good a player at his position as anyone, Saturday is very tough and very, very smart. he's been doing this for a long time, folks, and few do it nearly so well.
Well, it should be no surprise that my next pick is...
MVP: Peyton Manning, QB, Colts. That's right, a Colts whitewash. Eh. They're the only team I think is worth having an MVP in this division. Still doesn't mean I like this guy.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Portrait of a Division As a Young Man Part III: AFC West
The AFC West, more than any other division, has been defined in the recent past by its absolute lack of clutch play. Last year, the Broncos had a historic collapse and ultimately ceded the division title to the Chargers- and speaking of the Chargers, few teams have had as much talent and as little postseason success as San Diego. Only a few years ago, San Diego was in possession of the game's best receiving tight end (Antonio Gates), its best running back (LaDainian Tomlinson), and a quarterback in the top handful of passers (Drew Brees). Despite that, and a dominating front seven on defense, the Chargers failed and ultimately let Brees walk in favor of Philip Rivers. Don't mistake me, Rivers is a decent player, but Brees has since joined the trifecta of elite quarterbacks- Manning and Brady being the other two. So, welcome to Chokesville! I present to you- the AFC West.
My Prediction:
1. San Diego Chargers, 11-5
2. Denver Broncos, 10-6
3. Kansas City Chiefs, 4-12
4. Oakland Raiders, 3-13
That's right, folks, I expect another epic choke by the Broncos, who currently have the same record as the Chargers. I expect Denver to blink, and the Chargers, I think, will more or less be handed the division. The Raiders and Chiefs are terrible as always, and I really could care less if I end up being accurate on those two. I do think that Denver will get a wildcard spot, along with Pittsburgh (since they lost to Cincinnati and probably invalidated my previous prediction for the North). I don't know that either of these teams will do much in the postseason- their histories are against them. In fact, I would be highly un-surprised if both lost in the first round.
Players (again, no repeats)
Division's signature: LaDainian Tomlinson, HB, San Diego Chargers. I'm sticking with this pattern of good but choke-tastic, so I figured I'd go with the man who had about five or six seasons of utterly dominant play but consistently gets injured or plays ineffectively in the playoffs. Tomlinson used to be the best combination of agility, power, and speed in the league, but has quickly degenerated into a Bill Walton-like figure, valuable when healthy but oft-injured.
Honorable mentions: Philip Rivers, QB, Chargers, who is another choke artist in the playoffs; Shawne Merriman, LB, Chargers- he hasn't been the same this year.
Best overall: Elvis Dumervil, OLB, Denver Broncos. This one is a bit tricky, because the mantle of best player in the West has changed quite a bit lately- not too long ago, I would have been tempted to name Merriman, Gates, or Tomlinson, but Dumervil was on a real tear this year. That's about it- I don't have much else to say about him.
Honorable mentions: Antonio Gates, TE, Chargers; Brandon Marshall, WR, Broncos.
MVP: Jamal Williams, NT, Chargers. This might seem like an odd choice for MVP- how many defensive lineman ever get consideration for the real award, let alone nose tackles?- but the fact is that Jamal Williams is the biggest difference-maker for the Chargers. When he plays, they have a dominant run defense: the man is almost impossible to move off the ball, even with two or three blockers (that 350-pound frame comes in very handy for that), and he is surprisingly quick for such a large man. I think the difference is especially evident if you compare two significant games against Pittsburgh from the last few years- in October of 2006, the Steelers could do nothing right on offense. Not even Alan Faneca and Jeff Hartings could do anything to slow down Williams, and they were each among the top two or three at their positions that year. Williams had six tackles and a sack, despite the notorious difficulty of producing any sort of numbers from the nose. This year, the Chargers-Steelers game became a shootout, with Rashard Mendenhall rushing for well over a hundred yards- and Jamal Williams did not play. Williams changes games, make no mistake.
Honorable mention: Kyle Orton, QB, Broncos, shockingly. He actually played very well through the first half, before starting to unravel against Pittsburgh. I would also put Rivers here, but he is a better fit for signature player.
My Prediction:
1. San Diego Chargers, 11-5
2. Denver Broncos, 10-6
3. Kansas City Chiefs, 4-12
4. Oakland Raiders, 3-13
That's right, folks, I expect another epic choke by the Broncos, who currently have the same record as the Chargers. I expect Denver to blink, and the Chargers, I think, will more or less be handed the division. The Raiders and Chiefs are terrible as always, and I really could care less if I end up being accurate on those two. I do think that Denver will get a wildcard spot, along with Pittsburgh (since they lost to Cincinnati and probably invalidated my previous prediction for the North). I don't know that either of these teams will do much in the postseason- their histories are against them. In fact, I would be highly un-surprised if both lost in the first round.
Players (again, no repeats)
Division's signature: LaDainian Tomlinson, HB, San Diego Chargers. I'm sticking with this pattern of good but choke-tastic, so I figured I'd go with the man who had about five or six seasons of utterly dominant play but consistently gets injured or plays ineffectively in the playoffs. Tomlinson used to be the best combination of agility, power, and speed in the league, but has quickly degenerated into a Bill Walton-like figure, valuable when healthy but oft-injured.
Honorable mentions: Philip Rivers, QB, Chargers, who is another choke artist in the playoffs; Shawne Merriman, LB, Chargers- he hasn't been the same this year.
Best overall: Elvis Dumervil, OLB, Denver Broncos. This one is a bit tricky, because the mantle of best player in the West has changed quite a bit lately- not too long ago, I would have been tempted to name Merriman, Gates, or Tomlinson, but Dumervil was on a real tear this year. That's about it- I don't have much else to say about him.
Honorable mentions: Antonio Gates, TE, Chargers; Brandon Marshall, WR, Broncos.
MVP: Jamal Williams, NT, Chargers. This might seem like an odd choice for MVP- how many defensive lineman ever get consideration for the real award, let alone nose tackles?- but the fact is that Jamal Williams is the biggest difference-maker for the Chargers. When he plays, they have a dominant run defense: the man is almost impossible to move off the ball, even with two or three blockers (that 350-pound frame comes in very handy for that), and he is surprisingly quick for such a large man. I think the difference is especially evident if you compare two significant games against Pittsburgh from the last few years- in October of 2006, the Steelers could do nothing right on offense. Not even Alan Faneca and Jeff Hartings could do anything to slow down Williams, and they were each among the top two or three at their positions that year. Williams had six tackles and a sack, despite the notorious difficulty of producing any sort of numbers from the nose. This year, the Chargers-Steelers game became a shootout, with Rashard Mendenhall rushing for well over a hundred yards- and Jamal Williams did not play. Williams changes games, make no mistake.
Honorable mention: Kyle Orton, QB, Broncos, shockingly. He actually played very well through the first half, before starting to unravel against Pittsburgh. I would also put Rivers here, but he is a better fit for signature player.
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