Marco Belinelli, The Rodriguez/Christensen Phenomenon

I find myself weirdly convinced that Marco Belinelli of the Warriors is a potential All-Star. I don't have a whole lot of solid evidence for this, but the feeling is inescapable. Belinelli is not very well known, so I guess I should probably start with a brief primer: he is a second year player, drafted by the Warriors with the 18th pick in 2007 out of the Italian pro team Virtus Bologna (where, coincidentally, Manu Ginobli also played). At the moment Marco spends most of his time languishing on the bench behind Monta Ellis. His statistics are not especially impressive, although solid: in 21 minute he's putting up 9.6PPG/1.7RPG/2.1APG with 1.7 steals. Bump the playing time to 28 MPG, that's around 15/3/3 with 2-3 steals. Twenty-eight minutes is not all that much playing time, either. Baron Davis, who, despite being a point guard, is fairly similar in style, averages 35 MPG with 17.1/3.4/8.0/1.7 for the Clippers and Monta Ellis, in 33 MPG puts up only 13.4/3.8/3.8. At 35 minutes, Belinelli is looking at 20/4/4 with three plus steals. But I think he can do better than that. First of all, he's a Euro: these guys tend to have to adapt for a while before they can play in the same manner as homegrown players in terms of physicality. Rebounds will start to come when he realizes that his points can be replaced. The assists would be easier if he played for a legitimate team, which the Warriors are not. But my main reason for being so confident in this guy is just what I've seen. I was at a Magic-Warriors game in December, and Belinelli absolutely eviscerated the Magic in what time he got. Jump shots, lay-ups, passing- everything was there. In a span of maybe ten possessions, he scored six times, had an assist or two, and generally just abused Orlando. He's adequately athletic, has good scoring touch, and can shoot. He'll be a very good player someday, especially if he can escape Golden State.


Studying this latest A-Rod scandal situation, I think I'm starting to realize who he really is, in a metaphoric sense. He is Hayden Christensen. Really. In both the sense of the real actor and his characters. A-Rod has always played in big markets (I guess Seattle is big market, right?). Hayden Christensen is always in big budget action films. A-Rod is awkward around media and often seems aloof. Hayden Christensen is awkward and a wooden actor. A-Rod was considered an elite player at a very young age. Christensen got to be in some of the most anticipated movies ever (for the sci-fi crowd) when he was only twenty-one. A-Rod coerced the Yankees into paying him substantially more than any baseball player is really worth. Christensen presumably gets paid to act in movies. But the similarities don't end there.

Let's take Anakin Skywalker, Christensen's most significant (and worst acted) role. Anakin is precocious. A-Rod was young talent. Anakin is thought of as the fulfillment of prophecy and it was hoped he would bring balance to the Force. The Rangers and Yankees both saw him as a messianic figure who would lead them to championships. Anakin was not, in fact, the prophesied figure. The Mariners and Rangers both had better records after A-Rod left. Anakin has an effeminate braid. A-Rod wears pink lip gloss and slapped Bronson Arroyo's hand in a ridiculous manner. Despite the hype surrounding Anakin, it was obvious that he was going to turn out evil, even if you hadn't seen the original Star Wars movies. Despite everyone talking about how A-Rod was the savior of clean baseball and, according to Curt Schilling, "the only legitimate member of the 40-40 club," I think a huge number of people were pretty sure he was juicing. Anakin inadvertently kills his wife (not directly, but causes her to die "of a broken heart"). It's possible that there were some young, naive New Yorkers who assumed A-Rod was clean and have been devastated by the fall of their hero.

Another Christensen character, David Rice from (the terrible, terrible movie) "Jumper," also mirrors A-Rod. Rice, like Skywalker and Rodriguez, discovers some amazing talent at a young age- he can teleport. Originally, he uses this talent to help a girl being bothered by bullies (A-Rod's pre-steroid period), but rapidly decides to use it to rob a bank and run away from home (A-Rod uses steroids to inflate his numbers, gets ridiculous money from New York and heartlessly abandons Texas). Eventually, despite David thinking he's safe, a mysterious man named Roland (Samuel L. Jackson; symbolically, public opinion and the drug testers) finds evidence and starts to pursue him. David develops an ally in fellow jumper Griffin (Jamie Bell; symbolically, Jason Giambi) who helps him evade detection (does anyone else find it suspicious that A-Rod only used steroids right up until they became punishable?) Eventually, Griffin and David have a falling out (Giambi is no longer in New York), and David defeats Roland (A-Rod somehow manages to avoid the same muck-raking that other juicers like Bonds, Palmeiro, Clemens, et al have faced).

So, in conclusion, A-Rod is a horrible Canadian actor who stars in big-budget disasters that still make money (a mirror of the Yankees: highly expensive, successful in the regular season, but have yet to win a Series with him).